Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Please Take Me Back. To 225.

Alright... its official I am a fat ass. You all have probably known this for sometime but the fat guy in the mirror finally looked up and saw himself.

Problem is Kim was pregnant and I gained all the weight, well most of it and mine didn't come off thru hours of pushing. All I got was a clogged toilet, a bad case of hemorrhoids and an additional 20 pounds.

Doesn't help any that I've quit all tobacco (except when JT is around to bum one from) which added another 15 pounds.

So today at a svelt 260lbs, I have resolved to finally do something about it and start eating better. Problem is I live on a corporate expense account and business meals. (My company's name is EMC which I have been told stands for Eat More Cow.)

Hard to be the quintessential salesman ordering salads, chicken wraps and water with lemon while you encourage your customer to go ahead order the Filet Mignon and another beer. I guess I could go ahead and get a fag makeover ala Michael and it may make better sense to them. However, sweater vests and faux hawks just don't match my F-250 with camo interior and lord knows with gas prices I can't afford a Miata.

Alas I am entering my mid-thirtys and with child need to do things right. So today marks the beginning and I figured I should blog to mark the special occaision. Alright talk to yall later, I need to get back to my cookies and milk.

DP

3 comments:

James said...

I think Talley was on to something back before he turned into a crack head. He always talked about the beauty of being a phat a$$ all his life was that when he got older he would already be used to it (used to carrying the extra weight and already accepting of the fact that he is phat). But skinny guys would no doubt get bigger as they aged and the additional weight would be a shock to their body, mind and soul.

I knew Talley was good at Jeopardy!, but who knew he was such a philosopher?

Michael said...

DP, I am deeply saddened to hear your opinion of me. I've been living in SoCal now for almost 5 years, but the whole time I have lived here, I've been on a mission....I've been a disciple of sorts and have been spreading the good word of "The South". I've pushed and supported the Republican party, I've shown others how to say NO to martini's and to order a Turkey 101 and Coke, I've protested the ban of smoking in bars, restaurants, churches, planes and other public places, I wear my Camo MSU hat with pride, I play my country music extra loud but yet you seem to "mis-classify" me because of some new clothes I've purchased and a new hairdo that I'm sporting. I just don't get it. Perhaps you are in need of a good ol' country neck slappin?

LCA said...

So what you are telling me is that you have become VERY hard to kidnap?