Sunday, August 31, 2008

Vegas Wrap-up: The Outing

Some final ramblings from the Vegas trip:
  • No luck on the $5 slots this time around. Lost half of the investment Thursday night at MGM Grand and then lost the rest of it the next night at The Palms. Gave it one last shot with $100 in a $5 Wheel of Fortune on the way out, but didn't hit jack.
  • I earned 1700+ points at The Palms playing on the video poker machines. I might have a touch of carpal tunnel now. Total I think I racked up 3500+ points at The Palms including other slots.
  • After two nights of losing at the tables I had all but decided not to play on my last night, but then I saw The Palms had a $5 blackjack table (yep that was on Friday night). I couldn't pass that up so I decided to try my luck with $100. Within 15 minutes I got up to about $190 and was set on walking away if I could get to $200. Well, you know how that goes...didn't quite work out that way, but I did walk away with my original $100 and a few beers in me.
  • All in all we really enjoyed The Palms.

I guess I'll now explain the title reference to The Outing. Thursday night while watching some college football with Michael and his girl (Iris), she began telling us some more about Michael. Michael had mentioned that they had known and worked with each other for quite a while now, but they never really talked. Michael went on to say that Iris had a friend that was sort of into him, but Iris was steady talking her out of it. Then Iris chimed in that she was talking her friend out of it because she thought Michael was gay.

Iris went on to explain that it was somewhat common knowledge around the workplace that Michael is gay. Iris said she even asked her gay boss to use his super gaydar powers to get the truth. The boss confirmed, Michael is definitely gay.

I don't think Michael appreciated Iris running her mouth since he specifically thanked her (sarcasm inserted) for telling me. And I believe he said something along the lines of, " he's going to blog about it and all of my friends will be giving me sh!t for months to come." Michael doesn't know us very well. We won't be giving him a hard time for months to come. Just ask Nunnrey...he's been hearing that chicken lover story for over 8 years now.

Anyway, Michael seemed happy and Iris seems to be doing a good job of converting him straight. Try to take it easy on Michael's gayness. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

You remember "Smiley" from BHS??

So I have found another addicting internet past time (not porn related), Facebook. James why the hell did you turn me onto MySpace when there was this much better alternative?? Anyhow I set up my profile and have been getting reconnected to all sorts of old friends.... Wendy Broussard, Nicole Surrian, physicist and fatty Ms Olsen, Cherie Chester (ackk).

Anyhow I also received a friend request from Jennifer Oldham ( if your not from BHS move along). Seems she is now living in Kansas and just won some reality show called Design Star. Michael and John are probably fans but I had never heard of the show. Anyhow now you will be able to tell people you know someone with their own TV show as that was the grand prize.

Enough I have football to watch.....

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Vegas Report

Observations from the Vegas trip so far:
  • Our room at Hooters smells like chicken wings. I sort of like it.
  • Our first room at Hooters smelled like skunk and didn't have linens. Didn't really like that which is why we moved to the chicken wing room.
  • Our room at The Palms is nice...too bad it's so far away. And yes, we're high rollers like that with two rooms. They both offered up some free rooms and free play so we booked them both. We stayed at Hooters last night so we could be closer to Michael over at Planet Hollywood.
  • New York-New York is not the way I remember it. The Big Apple Bar is under construction to be something new. The middle of the casino is walled off and they are building something in there. The rest of the casino has been re-arranged. I do not like it.
  • Nunnrey is still texting me thinking he is going to actually show up out here this weekend. Frankly, I'm not sure what the hold up is...I already found him tickets for < $300 and he has some free/cheap room deals.
  • Michael did the smart thing and got him an Asian girl. We already have an immediate bond and can point and laugh at the two crackers we're with.
  • Slot report: not to shabby so far. Have played Wheel of Fortune at 3 casinos and they've all been friendly enough to let me walk away even. Shey...not so much.
  • Against my better judgement after everyone went to bed I went back downstairs to play some blackjack. Hooters has $3 blackjack 24/7. Of course that table was full so I decided to sit at the $10 table. Was down $100 in less than 5 minutes, but wanted to give myself a chance to grind it out and get back to even. Well, let's just say the only thing that was ground out was my chip stack. I couldn't ever get back up to even (probably $50 shy at best) and I finally gave up $150 down because I was falling asleep. The one thing I did win...a DVD. They have some promotion going on that if you get a suited blackjack you get What Happens in Vegas. That might be the most expensive DVD I ever purchased.
  • Let's hope for some big money when we play the pooled $5 cherry. could come do it in person tonight if you want. Don't be scared.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

So Hot... Want to touch the hiney...

So, many of you have probably heard on the news or have seen it in your everyday searchings on the internet, but Memphis is making headlines with Jacquelyn (this is the news channel 5 link that is SFW). She has recently exposed herself at a park in Bartlett and the Putt Putt on summer. It has become quite a stir around town and everybody is trying to figure out where she will show up next. I am thinking the Delta Fair. Hopefully she is willing to try out my log ride, it makes everybody wet. But until then I will keep my eyes out for her and try to catch a show myself.

I guess if they are going to close down the places where activity like this is legal then all the ladies who have been 'stripped' of their jobs should take thier work outside. I think it is the 'exposure' that they are looking for...

(These sites are probably NSFW unless you work somewhere like I do so check them out with your wives when you get home and maybe you can work something out.)
She has a couple videos for sample on her site and her buddies Melissa and Adri also have some commentary on the subject.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Winning Slot Moves

I'm headed to Vegas tomorrow night to meet up with Michael. Because of this I'm reading up on my Vegas news and I ran across an article called 100% Guaranteed Slot Machine Voodoo Maneuvers. It includes some techniques like: The Wipe, The Knock, The Sit, The Peekaboo, etc. While these are entertaining (and I may try some of them out) I think they are missing some of the proven winners we know and love:
  • Hello New User: When you are on a bad streak using pooled money you simply swap out the player cards to trick the machine into thinking a new user has sat down. You'll also need to say in a computer voice, "Hello, New User" when the slot greets you on its electronic display. Advanced: Cash out the ticket and then re-use the same ticket after the card swap.
  • The Massage: Just like a woman, a slot machine needs to be caressed a bit before she'll pay out. Give the machine a nice rub down.
  • The Claw: This is Shey's favorite, but it's worked for me on several occasions. Pull the lever and hold it in the fully engaged position until all reels stop spinning.
  • The Smoker: Have your smoking partner blow smoke at the machine while playing. Slots love to smoke. A slot that isn't afraid to smoke isn't afraid to pay out.

And of course there are others, but I don't want to spill all of our secrets.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Speaking of water usage

James wanted me to relay this tale. We go meet a tenant last night to renew her lease.

Turns out the city had left a note on the door telling her she's been using too much water. She says the toilet in the second bathroom has been running constantly like the one in the master did (prior to James's plumbery). We check it out, and this thing isn't just mildy running, it's a steady Class III. We slapped a new flapper on there last night, and hopefully that's that. Probably could have saved her some cash if she would have mentioned it earlier. Luckily our property wasn't mentioned in the newspaper like Lance's.

We also picked up a Wii last weekend. We wanted to get a total of four controllers, so James made a logical bet and picked up Wii Play (which included 1 controller). Be forewarned--this game sucks. All the games are not initially available to you. It makes you step through them one at a time to unlock additional games, and most aren't very entertaining.

Sean's Wedding Part II

Some of you guys may remember Sean C. (he is a contributor to Backtoms although he has never contributed). Also known as the Naked Leprechaun or the Crazy Naked Wacky Greek. Most of you would simply remember him as one of the nastiest dudes you know.

Background: Back while we were still at State, Sean got his girlfriend knocked up and had to drop out of school so he could make an honest woman out of her. A few of us went down to the wedding including Aaron and Eric. Aaron (maybe he'll treat us to a story about it one day) tells the story best, but to sum up in a nutshell here are some keywords/phrases that come to mind: backwoods Louisiana; trailers; mosquitoes as big as small dogs; coona$$; etc. I really can't do that weekend the justice that it deserves in story telling, but let's just end it with I think Aaron may have a couple of pics of the groomsmen posing in front of Sean's trailer which was in the front yard of his mother-in-law's house which also had grandma's houseboat tied up in the backyard on the bayou.

Today while doing my best to get caught up on useless knowledge so I could talk to John this weekend; I ran across this story in the Gwinnett Daily Post about a couple that got married in the parking lot of the Waffle House they work at. You can read the full story here, but most importantly be sure to check out the slideshow.

Sorry, Sean...but you were the first thing that came to mind when I saw this. Let us know when your next wedding is so we can head on down. What happened to that 18-year old you were dating here in Texas? Love me some Waffle House.

Not so fresh feeling

Do you ever have that not so fresh feeling? Well, I'm not sure what's going on with me this week...maybe it's the extra sweat from this Texas heat or it could just be that time of the month, but my face has been breaking out like a 15-year old, punk kid.

Against my better judgment, my wife convinced me to try out some of her facial wash (the same one that John also uses from their shared dermatologist). And I gotta tell you, I feel like a new woman today. Some of Lukey's sweet tea vodka would make my day complete (joking aside I do want to try that out).

Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Wife Missed Her Calling

In the spirit of JT poking some fun at his wife...

I ran across a website called SueEasy today and I think they beat my wife to her true calling. From SueEasy's About Us section:

SueEasy is an online application where you can file your complaints in a variety of legal categories.

At SueEasy our primary concern is for you to register a genuine complaint or grievance as quickly and as simply as possible. We take pride in our efficient online application, designed specifically for you to register your lawsuit; view, edit, submit and be in touch with the best lawyers as soon as possible.

For those of you not in the know or that need a not cross Shey. Daniel may slap you in the back of the neck, but my wife will sue your a$$ and take it to trial. Too bad she didn't come up with this idea first.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Hahhaha....Holy Cow

Just to let you know how far I have progressed. I will be teaching a session or two of a graduate level class at Iowa State University this fall. How kick ass is that? Those poor lumps of grey mush won't know what hit them.

Vodka & Tea

So we had a party at the house (for Graysen's 1st birthday) a few weeks ago and after all the kids went to bed the grown ups started drinking heavily. We ran out of beer after a while, imagine that, so we started mixing vodka with sweet tea and it turned out to be pretty good. Of course at that point I could have been drinking motor oil and I wouldn't have cared. So last week I went to the liquor store to get daddy a little something and ran across a vodka that I had never seen before, Fire Fly Sweet Tea Vodka. Turns out that all you have to do is cut it with a little water, add a lemon wedge and you are all set. After about 6 or 7 of these little gems I realized that this could quite possibly be the perfect summertime / BBQ / mow the yard / watch TV / wash the car / anytime drink. A) It looks like sweet tea, B) It tastes like sweet tea, C) it gets you drunk. Now I know that this may seem a little on the feminine side but I promise after you drink one you will be a believer, besides after the Sweet Tea Ramblings that were on here earlier, I am pretty sure that there will not be any arguments on this.

So here's to you Mr. Sweet Tea Vodka Maker... when everyone else is satisfied with their tea, you took it upon yourself to make tea that gets you hammered. By combining your passion for tea with your alcoholic tendencies you created the perfect drink. There's only one thing left to say... Sweet Tea Vodka = Absolute Deliciousness.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Lance Armstrong must run our lawn service

This morning when I arrived at work it was raining. I noticed that the water sprinkler system was still on full blast as well. Makes me wonder if Lance Armstrong runs our lawn service since he likes his water.

In other exciting news the Vegas trip is coming up next week. Let Michael and I know when you are getting there. I hear they will be giving away tons 'o money while we're there.

Monday, August 18, 2008

College Pick'em

College football is upon us. As I'm checking in on our annual college pick'em over at Yahoo! Sports I notice the member list is looking a wee bit short. Some of our usual suspects have not yet signed up. I've sent invites to all of the faithful Backtoms contributors plus a host of others.

It's time for you to get on the horn and get the rest of our peeps to sign up. As usual, it's open to all if you want to invite your punk ace co-workers or friends that want to talk smack. If you need me to invite you again send me an email or post a comment and I'll hook you up.

I'm looking forward to the 2008 pre-season predictions. I can't remember who did it last year, but I'd be willing to bet that it will be safe to say Nunnrey will forget to make the majority of his picks again this season.

And don't forget Ryder has a money league as well. He's posted the information on the message board on the Phatboys league.

Sonic Polls: Analysis

Do you tip your Sonic carhop?
6 responded yes
5 responded no

Do you use the Sonic drive thru option?
2 responded yes
8 responded no

Some of my general thoughts on the topic:

  • I didn't expect such a close call on the tipping question. I was under the impression that more people tipped their carhop. I'm not hatin on you for not...just thought it was common practice.
  • During a team lunch a couple of weeks ago only the females responded that they did not tip although one of them said that this is a point of contention with her husband. She said that she typically will go through the drive thru for the sole purpose of not having her husband tip the skinny, b!tchs on rollerskates. I am now assuming that some of the other guys that I work with do not tip either, but they responded yes so they would not be outed as a cheap bastard.
  • I don't quite get the drive thru as a viable alternative to the drive in UNLESS one of several criteria are met:
    • You have a wife that makes you choose the drive thru to avoid tipping.
    • There are no drive in spaces available.
    • There are no vehicles in the drive thru line (but even then this is questionable).
    • Your vehicle does not have reverse.
  • None of the males I worked with admitted to using the drive thru option. Again, I have a feeling they were not completely honest.
  • One female in my work discussion said that it was faster to use the drive thru. I beg to differ. We even laid out a scenario where there were already two cars in the drive thru; she would still choose to wait in that line as opposed to pulling into a drive in space and placing her order immediately.
  • Michael, do your carhops often give you small talk when they deliver your order?

What are your thoughts or comments?

Sunday, August 17, 2008


We get some pretty bad cricket swarms in Austin from time to time. On the way home from the gym tonight I stopped to get some gas. James rolls down his window to sit there and stare at all of the crickets going by. We're about to drive off and he sees that one has jumped in and is next to his foot. I guess he wanted to pet it or something before letting it go (he didn't just put his foot on it). He opens his door and of course it just waltzes up into the innards of my dash.

So now I have a damn cricket in my truck. I guess it'll sound like I'm camping on my way to work tomorrow. Thanks James.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

20 Down and 5 Local to Go

Now that is one hell of a passport spread!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Potato Salad Alert

Tried out The Shed yesterday. They have potato salad kinda like Bulldog Deli. Luckily it was still daylight, so no roach sightings.

Sorry James, didn't have time to make it to the Project.

Seen in Moss Point

Damn that Global Warming

It is August 10 and we have shut the air off and opened up some windows to enjoy a nice day. About the only benefit of northern living. Of course in about 3 weeks we will be back to the beginning of the 9 months of winter.

Friday, August 8, 2008

My wife the bit**.....

hahaha...i told her i was going to blog that she was bitch and she laughed at me, thinking smugly that I would not. wrong she was.

So I am drinking a Grey Goose and Cranberry and thinking, this sure is hell of a lot cheaper drink than John's bachelor party. Hell I paid more for that night (even when it was split by 5 people) than when I disappeared at Platinum for two hours with my student loan money.

Austin is drunk...thanks John

According to an article on

Austin ranks high for its drinking habits across the board. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC's) 2007 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System Survey, 61.5% of adult residents say they have had at least one drink of alcohol within the past 30 days, and a staggering 20.6% of respondents confess to binge drinking, or having five or more drinks on one occasion.

Some residents attribute those numbers to the city's sizable population of college students. Austin is home to several schools, including the University of Texas at Austin, one of the largest universities in the country.

Some residents are obviously looking in the wrong place to find the root cause. If they have ever had the opportunity to meet John they would then know that he is working his hardest at raising the average number of beers consumed by Austinites in one sitting.

On another note, who came up with the definition of binge drinking? If you aren't planning on drinking more than 5 beers why would you even choose to drink?

Sonic Polls

Come visit the blog website and vote in our poll about Sonic. There are two questions out there right now:
  1. Do you tip your Sonic carhop?
  2. Do you use the Sonic drive thru option?

I am curious to see your habits and we can discuss further after the polls close.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

A Claw Hammer?

From WANE TV Channel 15 in Fort Wayne, Indiana:

Together, with another responding officer, the two walked up to the home and found the naked man, then on the couch, conducting a lewd act with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil.

I've seen and heard some odd things in my life. Naked Leprechaun, snow skiing, man the pump, the claw, Spiderman, Emeril, clown face, etc. But what sort of lewd act does one do to himself with a claw hammer?

Where is Erik W. from? Is this how they roll up in Muncie?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Fishing report

Fishing has been pretty decent the past couple mornings here in FL. No marlin or anything, but it's pretty cool to walk out your door and get into schools of bluefish and ladyfish. I've anticipated James's skepticism, so here you go.

I also have a beer update. Stefanie bought some of the Michelob Ultra Tuscan Orange Grapefruit, and I gave it a test. It's ok (if you're out of Coors/Miller Light).

Assorted travel tips:

1) If you stop at the Buc-ee's on I-10 in Luling, TX go ahead and budget some time. I've never seen a gas station this busy. Do take the opportunity to stop at any Buc-ee's you pass though. Clean restrooms, cool store-branded merchandise, etc. Strong buy: sweet & spicy jerky.

2) In Rosemary Beach, FL and eating at Wild Olives? Sit inside unless there's a stiff wind. Seems to be a lot of flies in the area.

Bonafide Jackpot

I hit a bonafide jackpot today at lunch. We rolled up to Popeyes and I ordered a spicy 2-piece (breast and leg) with mashed potatoes and gravy. While waiting to pick up my order the clerk called customer #61 (that's me) up to the counter. She said they were out of spicy legs and asked if I would be interested in another spicy breast or a wing instead.

Are you kidding me??? Of course I would love to have another spicy breast. Today must be my lucky day. I think I'll pick up some lotto tickets on the way home. Love that chicken from's bonafide.

and tweeder drank beer, cus tweeder drinks beer...


Starkville is unique. It's the only place I know where sofas belong on
front porches, golf visors are worn at night, and Brewski's had a waiting
list. State is about much more than classes, it's an experience that you
will treasure your entire life.

What is it about MSU that gets in your blood and intoxicates
you with its sweet southern comfort?

Maybe its the beauty of the Drill Field and the way it feels to sit on the grass
halfway study before that big test.

Or it Could be...
.. piling in a car with six of your friends and riding around town on a
sunny afternoon heading out to the Refuge
..catching your favorite local band and knowing that one day soon
they'll be famous
..hanging out at the Burgandy Room or the Grill or the Courthouse
catching the beer specials
..spending more time trying to see who's in the library than you do actually
..scanning "Bad Dawgs" to see who got a DUI, and laughing at the drunk
guy who was arrested for singing in his boxers
..stopping and realizing when you're out with your best friends that these
are the people that will one day be in your wedding.

Maybe its the football games, finding a date, dressing up, trying to
stomach a Beam and Coke at
9 am after a Friday night
that began at Mexico Tipico's happy hour, and recognizing that same
excitement in the eyes of older alumni who keep coming back year after year, joining
their old friends and hoping to catch a glimpse of their youthful times at State.

We will look back and realize that our time here was short, but we made
the best of it. We were only here four of five years (some people six or
seven, if they knew how to work their parents). Now we will be making road
trips TO
Starkville instead of FROM it, joining our old college buddies
still dressing up for the games and still scanning the crowd for familiar faces.

We'll be dressing differently and the familiar faces will be a little
more scarce. We'll look over into that student section and remember
when...when it was our time here and how quickly it came and went.
We'll wonder about all those people we use to know;
Where are they now? Are they successful? What about that cute girl I had a
crush on, is she married or bald?
Yes, we'll lose touch with a lot of people and names will be
forgotten, but you'll ALWAYS have your close friends from
Mississippi State.
You'll email, talk on the phone, play bridge or have supper clubs on
Tuesday nights and most of your conversations will begin with those
two special words to which will have the power to make you laugh or cry
or simply smile-

"remember when."

Go State!

Monday, August 4, 2008

The sea is angry

I'm taking an undeserved vacation this week.

We left on Sunday, stopping for lunch in Lockhart (the BBQ capital of TX) at Black's BBQ. Not too shabby. We stayed the night in Lafeyette, LA at some hotel downtown. Word of warning, not a lot of stuff open on Sunday night down there. The only other person we saw at the hotel was the guy that was working the desk. Apparently someone blindfolds him and drops him off at work every night, because he couldn't tell us a place that would be open for dinner. I saw a brochure in the lobby for Don's Seafood, and of course, he didn't know which direction it was either (turns out it was a couple blocks away). He did offer to Mapquest it for us though.

Anyway, we arrived in Seacrest Beach, FL this afternoon and the water is closed today. Here are the flags from our patio.

One more note, we had lunch at Oysterella's in Mobile today. I'm issuing a strong buy on the steak sandwich they had on special.

Gorilla Loose in Austin

I can remember a day when a birthday meant a trip out for drinks followed by a road trip to Memphis to make our donations to the Platinum nursing school fund. It always felt so good to know my friends were such philanthropists. No longer though. Here is what happened to me today.

I’m sitting in our conference room minding my business and a gorilla comes busting through the door! I’m about to go ninja style on him as I’m nearest to the door and I need to protect my co-workers, but then the gorilla breaks into singing Happy Birthday.

Several years ago at my previous employer a group of us had gotten together and did this to our boss. Today was payback time and some of my old co-workers decided it was my turn. I guess it is true when they say what goes around comes around. I need a nap; my hip hurts.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Dinner Topic

Last night we went to dinner with John and Stef for my birthday dinner. The dinner was great, but there was some very disturbing discussion going on between John and Shey. The same person does their micros and they both have the same facial wash. Next time I assume they'll be comparing their other feminine products.

Are you jealous that this is not the stuff that you get to talk about at dinner?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Glutton for punishment....

...yep thats me.

Now I'm not talking ball gags, whips or yellow discipline here. What I mean is that if a new job and new baby weren't enough, Kim and I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and move houses.

I guess it has something to do with being raised in an Air Force family that we feel the need for a change of scenery every 3-5 years. Or it could be that Paco and Rosario have moved in their 15 closest family members into the house across the street (as a bonus each "family" has a car which at last count totaled 6). Or it could be because my drug addict neighbor hasn't had any cops in the neighborhood in the last 6 months and I'm just getting bored. (Sidenote: This is not the ghetto in case you are wondering just my luck to be sandwiched between these idiots) Nevertheless Kim and I are moving to a town north of Nashville which will be closer to my parents (aka free babysitters) and our church friends.

So we are now in process of packing all our crap into boxes for the trek across town. Luckily for me I am starting jury duty next week (plese be a trial for my drug addict neighbor) and flying to Boston for the week after that, which will leave the majority of box duty to Kim.

So stay tuned for change of address announcements real soon.

Flip that condo

As some of you know; JT, Nunnrey, James and I have started building our rental property empire. We just picked up a condo in San Marcos, TX this week and went down there tonight to spruce it up a bit. I was enjoying a Bud Light Lime while James and Nunnrey installed some blinds...

James made a new friend down there too (a silent, mustache-stroking old dude). Good times.