Wednesday, April 29, 2009

She Works Hard For The Money

AKRON, Ohio  —  Police say a 14-year-old girl was dancing topless at an Akron strip club when they raided the bar and arrested four exotic dancers.
I assume the girl lied about her age, but what dummy couldn't figure out that she was probably a little too young to be in there getting rained on?

Speaking of young'ns...reminds me of a couple things from college:
  • I remember when Deebo was hooking up with a high-school girl and her bra end up hanging down from the ceiling fan in our room.  The next morning John C. brought his parents and grandma over to introduce them to us.  Comedy ensues.
  • I'm light on details, but there was some incident at the crack house where Michael busted down the door fighting with his high-school girlfriend.  Luke or you want to expand the details?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

Anybody going to this?

BILOXI — The first qualifying round for this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest starts Saturday in Biloxi at IP Casino and ends July 4 with the top dog determined at the world series of eating contests, televised live on ESPN.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Be on Ready Five

As you guys know, some of us (JT, Lisa, Shey, me) are headed off for a Mediterranean cruise later this week.  Just read this on
An Italian cruise ship with 1,500 people on board fended off a pirate attack far off the coast of Somalia when its Israeli private security forces exchanged fire with the bandits and drove them away, the commander said Sunday.

My suspicion is that our ship won't have Israeli private security (not to mention the fact that we aren't going anywhere near Somalia).  But as a precaution, I hope you guys will be on ready five in case you get the call from my emergency contact (John) to come rescue us.

And if you haven't seen last week's episode of South Park you should check it out.  It's titled Fatbeard and you can watch it here.  Hilarious.

Motorcycle Fatality in Biloxi

Bad news for you older Biloxi boys according to WLOX.  I didn't know him well, but I knew his family and thought I'd pass it on for the rest of you.  RIP Justin.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Beauty Tip of the Week

James has been hassling me to share my secrets to keeping such a youthful look. Oftentimes James and I roll up somewhere and people ask if we're related. This usually ends up with people guessing that James is my older brother...

Is it Nancy Kwan's Pearl Cream? No.

My wife works for a Dermatologist, and as James goes to pains to point out--I've had the privilege to dabble in all sorts of skin improvement projects. In the first installment of this series, I present to you the Clarisonic. It's like a Sonicare toothbrush for your face.

Update: Stefanie informs me that I have a Clarisonic Pro. Not just your run-of-the-mill Clarisonic...

Beware of Pretending to Fall Off Bridges

Is this one of your boys, JT?  Be careful the next time you pretend to be falling off the bridge going over the Minnesota River, eh.  I bet the water is still cold, you betcha.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Clown Show Gone Bad

I'll be the first to admit that I enjoy a good clown show, but this is one I'm glad I missed:
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln on Tuesday suspended Sigma Chi fraternity after newly unsealed court documents detailed a series of alleged hazing incidents, including one in which a stripper allegedly used a vibrator to anally penetrate a fraternity pledge during an initiation party.

Read the rest at Lincoln Journal Star.

I'm all for clowns using their props and making balloon knot animals, but I'd rather not be part of the show.

On another note...I'm wondering if anybody fed the clown their pizza crust?

MSU Wins First National Title

You can read the rest in The Reflector:
After 131 years, MSU won its first national championship Sunday. Surprisingly, it was not football, baseball, basketball or any of the usual suspects, but disc golf.

Luke, Ryder and Michael...why didn't yall go ahead and win this back in our day?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

RE: Bacon Cheese Burger

That'll be good with some of my baconaise on it.

Bacon Cheese Burger

This one's for John.

So That's How They Roll in Ohio

Don't think Ohio will make my road trip schedule anytime soon.
A 52-year-old woman who took a job as an exotic dancer to help make ends meet was attacked on her first day by a jealous co-worker armed with a stiletto shoe, police said.

The alleged attacker is in her late 40s.  Is this a club for senior citizens?  Ohio is JT's old stomping grounds...I wonder how big of a tab he would run up in this place.  You can read the rest at The Akron Beacon Journal.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Home Defense = Shotgun

For Tarkus:

Mossburg 500 is a good entry level investment for home protection. This rig can be purchased at your local Wal-Mart or in Texas at any Joes - Bait, Gas, Pawn, Laundr-o-mat and Gun. As requested this is a point and shoot weapon with high capacity tube to store plenty 00 buckshot.

Now once you get a few extra $$ and want to tinker some more the Mossberg 500 is a good platform for alterations to make a great tactical weapon.

Shouldn't have to register or get a license since you live in a Red state. Just go to store plop down your cash maybe leave a thumbprint and walk out with your weapon. Enjoy.....

Summer Camp for John

The MSU Diamond Girls are hosting the I Want To Be A Diamond Girl For A Day camp in a couple of weeks.  I bet they would love for John to bring his skin treatment products down there so he can demonstrate how to stay beautiful.  They may even have some tips for you!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Kenny Powers Twitter Feed

Tarkus, don't even bother reading this one since you don't know anything about Twitter.  For you Eastbound and Down fans I've now included the Twitter feed from Kenny Powers on the Backtoms homepage.  Look for it in the sidebar under the Blog Archives.

Weekend update

Saw a new (to me) Sweet Tea Vodka yesterday. I present Jeremiah Weed. I'll update later if it's noteworthy.

I also enlisted James's help last night to move in my new, very heavy gun safe. Our chocolate ammo is protected now.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Ammo score

Saw a lot of 7.62x39 too, unfortunately I don't have an AK. I guess a lot of UMC must have been shipped recently as Academy had a lot of UMC earlier this week (.223, 9mm, .45).

John & James' Hero

I have been curious as to why the two Asians have gotten a sudden interest in weapons and why they were so interested in perfecting their Guitar Hero techniques. After doing a little digging into their personal lives I have found that they are trying to impress their new sensai...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Monday, April 13, 2009

John Should be Banned from Laser Tag

I think we've already established that most of you don't watch How I Met Your Mother. But here is a quick clip featuring NPH where he gets banned for life from laser tag.  Go ahead and watch it.

Yesterday, to entertain John's nephew, Gavin, we took him to Austin's Park.  This is where John took me to "putting school."  I do want to point out that John was the one keeping score so I'm not so sure about the accuracy.

We also played a round of laser tag.  Every time I saw John he was covering up the targets on his vest with his hand while shooting the little kids running around.  This my friend, is what we call cheating.  I compensated for John's cheating on multiple occasions by stalking him from behind and shooting the targets he couldn't cover on his back.

If any of you ever find yourself in a game of laser tag with've been warned.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Putt Putt Masters

I took James to putting school at Austin's Park today.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Weekend BBQ: DOMINO Edition

Over the weekend, the MSU Track & Field team was in town for the Texas Relays.  On Saturday evening, we were invited to a BBQ in which the MSU coaches would be attending.  The BBQ itself was hosted by a local MSU alum from the 80's.  He had a bunch of his friends and family in town (I estimate there were 40+ people there), and most of them were from MSU as well.  Oh yeah, it's worth mentioning that the host and majority of attendees were Que Dogs from MSU.  

When we came strolling in it was about like you would expect...tables and chairs setup in the backyard, the game on the big screen in the living room, drinks flowing freely, plenty of Black and Milds and Swisher Sweets, and a game of bones in progress.  The host introduced us to everyone and one of the guys, Kelvin, I recognized.  I started talking with him and he said he drives the buses around for the student-athletes at MSU.  I then asked if he used to drive the shuttle from frat row onto campus and he said yeah.  Some of you lammas will probably remember him as well.

Other notes:
  • We introduced them to Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka.  I brought a handle of it over and it was well on it's way to being gone when we left.
  • The ribs and green beans were excellent (I wouldn't have expected any less).
  • We discussed at length the branding process for members getting the Omega symbol on their arms.  I told them about Eric T. and Luke getting the Lambda on their backs on a camping trip.
  • Shey got a dude to show her the brands on his chest.  She was particularly interested in this guy because he was a fireman.  Coincidentally, Shey did not wear her wedding rings to the party.
  • The fireman told me that the "big, light-skinned, brother" inside had brands on both of his butt cheeks.  On my way in for a drink I happened to cross paths with him and in my drunken stupor I inquired about it.  He told me he actually had two on one cheek and one on the other.  I then said, "Prove it!"  Just kidding about that last part, but in hindsight it was pretty dumb of me to ask one of the biggest dudes at the party about his butt.
  • John was upset that there wasn't some sort of step-show, but I told him he would need to challenge someone if he wanted to see it.  But of course he's scurd so it didn't happen.
  • I was not ostracized for having my sweat rag in hand.
All joking aside, we had a great time.  We had only planned on being there for about two hours which turned into 4+ hours by the time we left.  I can't wait for next year.  We're already planning on bringing a cooler of Boone's Farm so we can pass those around.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Family Fun Outing

As John eluded to earlier, we took a field trip out to a ranch (one of Shey's co-worker's) this weekend for some shooting fun.  Here is a pic of what we brought to the party.

And the husband of Shey's co-worker brought his SKS, 45 and 22.  This was my first opportunity to shoot John's AR-15.  It is pretty sweet.  And the holographic sight is a lot of fun.

Mostly we were shooting at rocks and cactus, but we did break out a homemade target (specifically made for the Red Ryder).  Here it is after some handgun shots, but before we unleashed the AR-15 on it.

And needless to say the target didn't hold up too well.  Good thing I had a trash bag in the truck.

Evening Post

Glad to see our newest members on board. Sucks that I missed Deevo's burgers last year, and there's a chance I may miss them again. Looks like we might be going to a wedding that weekend.

I've been watching some of nutnfancy's youtube video reviews. He's done quite a few reviews of guns and knifes, including a 5 part AK-47 vs. AR-15 series.

Teaser for an upcoming post from James: We got to shoot an SKS yesterday.

Michael, that AR is shaping up pretty good. I know you already have a cool upper picked out, but before you pull the trigger so to speak, have you seen these from LaRue?

LaRue Tactical Stealth Sniper System LT011

LaRue Tactical DMR-16 Upper

Beginning To Take Shape

While my AR is not nearly as complete as John's, it is beginning to take shape. I received my Command Arms SRS stock last week. I'm still waiting on my lower parts kit and my buffer tube assembly and I will order my upper receiver assembly next week. The upper assembly has a 16 week build time so perhaps by the end of summer I can be out plinking away. Here's an updated build picture.

Friday, April 3, 2009


Saw this on another forum and it made me think of my slant-eyed brothers in Tejas. I definitely see this in the future of the Wally-militia..... Liberals - Need Not Apply

Thursday, April 2, 2009

AR Update

What's that under the Scopecoat?

That's right, my new EOTech 511.A65/1.

2nd Annual Backtoms Football Tailgate

I believe we all drunkenly agreed that this years annual tailgate will take place on the Florida weekend which is October 24.  The General's Daughter (Devin) is already preparing his checklist for all of the supplies we need.

If you missed it last year we had a great time.  We had ~15 of us there under 2 of the 10'x10' tents in The Junction.  Devin worked his butt off by measuring each burger out to the 1000th of an ounce to match his special blend of seasoning (he counted out each grain of dry seasoning).  This year we are looking to go even bigger and better.

Details about where/when we are staying are in the planning process now.  Stay tuned for updates.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Daniel...A Bridge Builder?

Whooaa!!!...this evening John was reading up on some new, male-cosmetic products (you guys know he is a bit of a priss as outlined in the American Psycho post) which led him to some information on bridge builders (not that there's anything wrong with that). This led him to a forum discussing a gay gang-like club.

Get to the point, James...we know John likes to read everything on the Internet and we already know he is a little light in the loafers.

Anyway, John stumbled across some information that sheds a little light on why they call Daniel a neck slappa.  Apparently, the gay gang has some f'ed up type of initiation involving what would amount to a sexual assault and neck slapping is slang for what would be the equivalent of the jumping in portion of the initiation.

I'm looking now to see if Gangland has an episode about these guys yet, but this explains quite a few things.

And hopefully if you've read this far you know this is completely made up (except I'm sure John probably was reading up on the cosmetic products).  I honestly have no clue why Daniel is the neck slappa, but I hope you enjoyed my rendition of how it might have happened.  Happy April Fools' Day!

Mustache = Money

My office held a Mustache March contest and I attempted to participate.  I didn't get to start until about mid-March because of some work travel (not that the extra two weeks would have helped me out).

Some of the comments I got from you all:
All I know is this is the winning smile that won us the big bucks in Philly.  Imagine how much we could have won if Michael would have let me borrow one of his douchebag neck shirts.

Shey made me shave because we were meeting up with her family on Sunday while in Mississippi.  My gripe is that she ended up breaking out the camera to show them the picture.  Here is my question...if you were going to show them anyway, why didn't you just let me show them in person so I could keep the stache and win the contest yesterday???

Founders Day Wrap Up

I'm finally feeling back to about 99% today after the long weekend of drinking in Mississippi.  What did we learn:
  • Philly was very good to a few of us.  I think my winnings will be just enough to cover my deductible for the hail damage to my roof (if I need a new roof as my roofer is telling me).  I think John is buying more AR-15 equipment with his, and I guess Nunnrey will probably buy some chickens.  I'm wondering if I should add the mustache to my list of winning slot moves.
  • Crunk Craig is a jerk according to the slow chicks in front of us at the golf course.  It only took one hole to realize why.  Maybe my Red Ryder will speed them up next time.
  • The birthday girl (aka Trained Killa, aka Gun Cleaning Machine), Vanessa, doesn't appear to be able to drink like she used to.
  • Courtney is learning the SWA Rap as we speak.  Be on the lookout for her on a future flight.  Did I mention Courtney is a NKOTB groupie?
  • On Saturday night, I think that waitress from Friday night was out celebrating the large tip she earned from us.  Too bad we didn't have her the second night instead of that slow, forgetful chick we had.
  • Tarkus is getting old.  His hair is gray.  He's not on any of the social networking sites and has never heard of Twitter (not that I completely understand why people use it).  When I said blog he had a puzzled look on his face.  And then he started in on the virtues of face-to-face discussions over email.
  • I want to welcome our new authors to the blog.  I know you guys are dying to post so here are a few of the older posts you should check out first: Genesis, What's It Gonna Take and Blog Template.